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Today I turn 35 years old. It feels incredibly exciting and also a bit overwhelming. When talking about some of the feelings that come with a landmark birthday earlier this week, I referenced that famous Hemingway line from The Sun Also Rises. I said that this age milestone felt as though it happened gradually and then all at once. Birthdays often come with a fair amount of reflection, especially (at least in my opinion) these 5-year increment ones.
In the past year I’ve done a lot. I fully nested into my two-bedroom apartment that I never thought would be feasible to rent on my own. I ran a marathon in London. I went to Los Angeles, Miami, Boston, Chamonix, Paris, Providence, Washington D.C., Phoenix, Las Vegas, Portland, and Salt Lake City. I signed my biggest work contract to date. Then signed two more. I was bold in love and stopped being so afraid to speak my feelings (more on that below). I became a Certified Professional Coach through the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching. I interviewed Ashley Graham in front of 1,500 people. I joined SoHo House AKA fully entered my Sex & The City era. I beat my first-ever frightening, life-altering experience with depression. Mom adopted a dog, so I have a new sister. I invested in my body, and I worked to beat plantar fasciitis through regular physical therapy and acupuncture.
… And during all of that, I’ve gained a lot of takeaways. While my 35 lessons below are admittedly not all new to me over the past 365, they were reinforced within the past 52 weeks. And for that? Well, this birthday woman is super grateful.
Energy attracts like energy. This is my biggest learning from year 34, which I really adopted through my iPEC course work (it’s one of their guiding principles). Essentially it breaks down to this: If you want love, be love. If you want kindness, be a kind person. If you want to work hard, surround yourself with hard workers. In practice, I have realized just how powerful this is. I’ve watched how it’s manifested in my life positively. And for that, I’m so grateful.
People will do what they want. Let them. I pledged this year to stop stressing so much about the things that are beyond my control. It feels good.
Ready is a choice, not a feeling.
On that note, a lot of times feeling follows action. For instance: Want to feel better in your body? Try moving it. Want to feel less anxious? Talk to someone (therapist, friend, relative, etc.)
There is beauty all around you, but you have you make the choice to see it.
Aging is a privilege. How lucky am I that I get to continue to learn and live and love and be?
Just because someone may make a decision you don’t agree with doesn’t make them a person you cannot have compassion for.
You are strong even in the moments it may not feel that way.
It’s OK to do nothing. The pressure you put on yourself to do big things and be everywhere all at once is understandable. However, if you can’t do it all, that’s really OK. In fact, it’s more than OK to do nothing, too. Don’t let anyone tell you that doing nothing isn’t an act of self-care.
You are entirely capable of drinking eight glasses of water each day.
Trust that what is for you won’t pass you by. When something falls through (a deal, a relationship, a job, a friendship, that “dream” apartment) — it’s not for you. Accepting that is hard. Trust that the right thing is in the path ahead.
The absolute best thing you can do in your life is be a good person. Be kind for no reason. Not everyone is like this. Still, I can still make the choice to come into each and every scenario with a foundation of understanding.
You will never regret communicating effectively.
On that note, stop worrying about being too anything. Be yourself. In life. Especially in love. For so many years, I was paranoid that I’m too ambitious or outgoing or [insert other adjective] for the “right” partner. Fact is, the right partner won’t feel that way. I refuse to dim my light for anyone. I love big. Loving big feels good. What feels good for Emily is often what’s right for Emily.
Life is hard. Give yourself credit for the small things in your day to day that are worth celebrating, too (in other words, beyond some of the highlights I listed up top).
You don’t get things you don’t have the courage to ask for.
Outsource. If you can afford to pay someone who does something better than you to do something that you’re nowhere near as good at, do it. Time is valuable. Use yours to maximize your skill set.
Great takes time. I entered 2023 using the phrase “good to great” as my guiding principle, coming to terms with the fact that I’ve been cruising with good for a while — scared to do the things that becoming “great” requires. There is so much great I want to accomplish, but I recognize and accept that it’s not an overnight shift. I am worthy of greatness. I will get there.
The opportunity to incorporate 45 minutes of outdoor time every day is a blessing (even if that time doesn’t look how it once did i.e. walking over running).
Own your value. Your self-esteem is entirely based on how you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself. Don’t let someone else make you question your worth.
Pledge to respond instead of react (when possible). This year I embraced the give in one day, then go for it rule. A flustering email. An off-putting text. Heck, an online cart. I’ve committed to giving myself space and air to make choices that align with the person I am committed to being, so that I don’t say or do things I regret. The only exception would be in the SNKRS app. Ain’t no 24 hour grace period there.
There is a difference between saying sorry and properly apologizing.
Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s good to be aware of what’s happening around you, but I’ve committed to keeping my blinders on and not fall into the comparison trap. There is room for everyone to find success, joy, relief, [insert more here]. Yours will happen on your own time, when you’re ready.
You’re in charge of your perspective.
As long as you have the bandwith, put at least $500 a month in your savings.
Everything is figure-out-able. This is the name of Marie Forleo’s book, and truly the best approach to take when the hurdles come your way.
Quality not quantity. In sleep. In friendships. In reps of a workout. This has been a priority for me as I get older, especially when it comes to spending time with my most cared for people.
Skincare doesn’t need to be rocket science. It’s only hard if you have too many products (and no clue how to use them). Simple is fine. Simple works.
Find the fun. If you’re not dancing half-naked in your apartment at least once a week, you’re doing it wrong.
Stop “should”-ing yourself. Don’t allow what you feel like you “should” do be the only guiding light for how you act.
Breathwork works. It took me years to get on board with even attempting to do breathwork. But through Open, I found different styles and teachers that made me realize just how much the practice I once thought was totally weird was actually a HUGE asset.
Rest if you’re tired. But! Don’t give up on something that truly aligns with your values.
On that note, it’s OK to change the plan. No matter how public the plan is. If something feels different, your priorities have changed, you need to pivot — find grace in that. Life goes on, and it’s not as big of a deal as you may feel it is in that moment.
Love your own company. You are the person you talk to (whether audibly or not) the most during any given day. You owe it to yourself to learn to love the real you. To stop putting on a front. Being comfortable on your own is one of the greatest things that you can learn to do within your life. And when you truly know yourself? It’s a powerful tool to unlock your greatest level of joy.
12 months is a lot of time and also no time at all. Think about the individuals that completely changed their lives during the course of the pandemic by creating online presences on TikTok or [insert other platform here]. In other words, it can also completely change your life.
Another year, another lap around the sun — conquered. Cheers to all of you, all that is, and all that will be 🥂
Keep hurdling,
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
I’m Listening To: Masego
Is it just me, or is Lady Lady the ultimate summer album? With consistent 80-degree temperatures in New York this week, it’s on repeat in my apartment.
I’m Watching: Ted Lasso and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel series finales
Do they really have to end?
Gear I’m Loving: Under Armour Mid Sports Bra
I’ve worn this no-frills sports bra for at least a dozen marathons (half and full). It’s a staple in my regular rotation, and I just treated myself to a few new ones. Under Armour is currently running a 30% off sale using code EXTRA30, so you can grab it for $25. Yes, please.
I’m Reading: Good to Great by Jim Collins
I told someone about my theme for the year, and they asked me if I had read this appropriately titled book. Ironically, when I returned home from that meeting I remembered that the book was gifted to me last year by TONAL founder Aly Orady — I had yet to take it off my book shelf.
Quote I’m Loving: “We turn not older with years, but newer every day.” — Emily Dickinson
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NEW PODCAST EPISODE🎧: 253. Steph Catudal, Author
Eighty-four days. That's how long Steph Catudal's husband Tommy Rivs was in a medically-induced coma during his battle with lung cancer. Today, she's on the show reflecting on that and more — coinciding with the publication day for her new memoir, Everything All At Once.
In today’s episode, Steph talks about what it was like when Rivs became ill and was put into coma at the height of the pandemic, and what happened as a result of that. She also brings us to her childhood, talking about the struggles of losing her father to cancer as well as navigating her relationship with faith. Her words are truly remarkable.
I started following Steph like many as Rivs story made headlines back in 2020, and I’ve always been so drawn to both her writing and her strength. I ask Steph about how she’s managed the influx of attention, what it was like to mother her three girls when she felt at her lowest point, as well as how she takes care of her, and her feelings on hope when life feels grim. For those unfamiliar with Rivs' story — he is now 2+ years into remission; something truly miraculous after the most hard-fought battle.
NEW PODCAST EPISODE🎧 : #HURDLEMOMENT: How To Make A 5-Year Plan & Beat Overwhelm
Welcome psychotherapist Liz Beecroft, LCSW to the show. We're chatting about planning — specifically, how to make a 5-year plan without letting overwhelm get the best of you. Liz weights in on the benefits of being honest with yourself and examining your priorities, what you may have to do to get "un-stuck," and the importance of the pivot.
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Another (weekly) Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next week.
Happy happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday!!!!! 🥳