Are You 'Good' At Being Alone?
Solitude gets a bad rap. Here's how to embrace it and find your power, solo.
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Presented by Goodr:
I was recording an episode yesterday with a friend who happens to be a well-known yoga instructor. She said something during our session that stuck with me. “You, out of almost anyone I know, are the best at being alone.”
She expanded a little more on the subject. As she did, I felt tears well up behind my eyeballs. Tears that I fought back as I took a deep breath and continued on with our discussion. Once she was done with her thought, I thanked her for the well-intended compliment. Then I told her my truth.
Getting “good” at spending time alone wasn’t something that happened for me overnight, and to this day, the fact that I’m “good” at it triggers a lot of emotions. On one hand, I’m grateful I know how to enjoy time by myself. I think that it’s important that whether a person is single or attached, they feel comfortable sitting with themselves in stillness, solo. Doing things solo. Shopping, solo. Eating out, solo. Hanging out in the park, solo. Traveling, solo. (You get the idea.) I’m of the mindset that it’s important that we make the time to listen to what’s really happening within us, and in that discomfort (because let’s be real, that happens) we learn about ourselves.
On the other hand, despite me being thankful that I’m cool hanging out with me, myself, and I, it’s a little … meh. That’s because it’s not always by choice. I’m a single almost-33-year-old who has had a handful of dear friends leave New York over the past 14 months. I’m at a point where I’m ready to share both the good times and the bad times with someone else, but I’m 100 percent not rushing into the wrong thing — romantically speaking. And while I’m so appreciative of my friendships, it’s tough that many of them are long distance. So, while I’m focused on quality over quantity, that has made for more alone time.
I digress. Yesterday, I offered my friend a piece of advice that I want to share with you today: To get good at spending time alone, sometimes you need to “date” yourself. Make plans. These don’t have to be expensive arrangements, like dinners at your favorite restaurant (although, I do love a good one-on-one date with a bowl of pasta and a glass of red) or trips to faraway places. Make a date with yourself to go on a run. Read a book on a sunny day. Ride a bike for a while without a destination in mind. It may feel a little awkward at first, but with time, you’ll look forward to it. Trust me. Emotions happen, but I’m so proud of myself for getting to this point.
My true unlock was realizing that there are so many things in life that bring me joy. Joy for just me. On my own.
That felt really, really special.
PROMPT: How can you take some alone time for yourself this week?
Want to chat more about best-practice tips for spending time alone, or what doing so has taught you over the past year? Click below and leave a comment to get a conversation started.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
READ: “5 Women of Color Changing the Face of Therapy” from TODAY
May is Mental Health Month (more content coming on that front, soon). This round-up from TODAY shines a great spotlight on some of the best up-and-coming voices in the space helping others across the globe.
WATCH: WeWork: Or the Making and Breaking of a $47 Billion Unicorn
Turned this on earlier this week, and just wow. Maybe I’m a little extra interested because I’ve spent a big chunk of my entrepreneurial career working inside of WeWork spaces, but learning about the rise (and arguable fall) of the company fascinated me.
READ: “How to Reboot Your Brain After a Year of Stress” on Well+Good
Loved this article from Erin Bunch, interviewing a neurologist and scientist about their top recommendations for how to make our brains perform better than they did before the pandemic. The tips, ranging from exercising daily and rethinking our diet to keeping a journal, are simple enough but and can make a big difference.
LISTEN: Trained: “Joelle D’Fontaine, Getting in Step — With Yourself”
My old friend Jaclyn Byrer is stepping in for past Hurdle guest Ryan Flaherty, senior director of performance at Nike, to host a new episode of Nike’s podcast, Trained. Loved their conversation, talking with Nike trainer and choreographer Joelle D’Fontaine. Joelle talks about how he fell in love with it via a dancing gig at a gay nightclub, ultimately quitting his desk job to do it full time. Love his perspective on what we can do to diversify fitness.
Thanks to Super Coffee for supporting Hurdle.
Who doesn’t love a caffeine hit? I’ve been leaning into the caramel Super Coffee daily around 1 p.m., and I love it because it tastes great and totes 10 grams of protein plus healthy fats to keep me energized and satisfied through my afternoon (plus, NO added sugars mean no post-sip crash). The brand’s got a ton of great picks, from coffee grounds to ready-to-drink options. Head on over to DrinkSuperCoffee.com/hurdle, and use “HURDLE” at checkout for 25 percent off, including subscriptions!
🎧 NEW PODCAST EPISODE: Massy Arias, Trainer & Wellness Coach
Massy Arias knew she was destined to do big things from a young age. Coming into her own after arriving in the U.S. from the Dominican Republic at 13, she braved #hurdlemoment after #hurdlemoment, including a stage IV cancer diagnosis for her brother, abusive relationships, and devastating depression. For eight months, she barely left her Brooklyn bedroom, feeling entirely lost. An intervention with her family and friends led to her embracing a more active lifestyle, with trips to the gym resulting in a more dedicated, consistent fitness routine. Through the discovery of bodybuilding — which she said contributed to severe body dysmorphia — she learned that her big goal was to help find a healthy approach to fitness, empowering others to find happiness through movement.
🎧 NEW PODCAST EPISODE: #HURDLEMOMENT: Answering Your Questions About My 70-Pound Weight Loss
Between Spring 2007 and Spring 2010, I lost 70 pounds. I was in college, and before the night that changed everything (you'll have to listen to hear exactly what happened), I felt uncomfortable and unhappy in my body. For this week’s #HURDLEMOMENT, I'm talking you through how I got to the place where I was ready to make some forever lifestyle changes, and answer your questions about this chapter: Almost 12 years later, how do you keep it off? What was the hardest part? What did you eat? Did you count macros? (Plus, so many more.)
Thanks to this week’s Hurdle sponsors Beam, Goodr, LMNT, and Athletic Greens! For a complete list of the show’s sponsors and some really great deals, check out the sponsors page.
UPCOMING
Hurdle Book Club! We’ll be reading The Art of Gathering, and meeting on Zoom on April 21. To register, click here.
ASK ME A QUESTION: Leave me a voice message, ask me a question, and it could be featured in an upcoming episode! BONUS: Anyone who leaves me a voice message between now and next Friday will be entered to win a free month’s supply of Athletic Greens!