Can You Separate Fact From Feeling?
Can You Separate Fact From Feeling?
An important question that can lead to b-i-g change and a lot of growth.
Welcome back to the Weekly Hurdle! Every Friday, I’ll share a blog post, follow it up with a thought-provoking prompt to take you into the weekend, and finish things off with some content picks. Please, tag/DM me on social @hurdlepodcast and @emilyabbate with your thoughts!
ANNOUNCEMENT: Season three (!) of Hurdle kicks off on July 13, and trust me — the guests coming up are not to be missed! The show will be on a one week season break the week of July 6.
My heart was beating a mile a minute. I gazed up hesitantly at the steep, sun-drenched incline ahead of me with sweat slowly dripping down the back of my neck. The fingerless gloves on my hands felt snug as I gripped my handlebars tight and pedaled forward — hard — ascending up the first of three climbs.
It’s now or never, I told myself.
Three hills and a hairpin turn later, I made it, smoothly cruising across the George Washington Bridge on my bike. I felt like a warrior with the wind blowing in my hair and a goofy smile on my face. As soon as I crossed into New Jersey, I celebrated — pumping my fist into the air (a sentence I’ve surely never said before).
I couldn’t believe it took me so long to garner the courage to brave the bridge.
Almost 9 years ago, I arrived in New York with a to-do list of more than 100 things. Items included classic newbie New Yorker musts like “go to Beauty & Essex,” “visit the MOMA,” and “stay out until dawn.” Also on there: “Run, walk, or bike across every major bridge that touches Manhattan.”
Admittedly, that’s sort of an odd to-do. After watching one-too-many Rom-Coms where the main characters stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge hand-in-hand, I wanted to do it, too. Over … and over … and over again. I once told someone this idea on a first date. On our second date he told me to meet him at The Back Room in the Lower East Side where we had a drink and then departed for the “next bar,” which was actually us walking across the Williamsburg.
I digress.
For years now, I’ve heard horror stories about the GW.
“It’s really scary getting up there.”
“You’re right next to the cars.”
“The turns are tight.”
So on, and so forth.
For years now, I’ve been defensive. I was totally convinced by my own bullshit. I let fear overtake the truth. Although I was completely capable of conquering said bridge, every time someone would ask “do you want to?” I’d come up with some sort of excuse.
On Monday, I said enough was enough and did the damn thing. Once I overcame this fear, I was rewarded with miles and miles of gorgeous tree-covered roads and wide open spaces just waiting to be explored.
There’s a difference between fact and feeling.
For years I said the sentence “I can’t go across the GW.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth. The truth was that I felt as though I couldn’t go across the GW. When I took a step back and recognized that I have control over my feelings, I felt more capable of showing up and facing my fear.
Let’s look at another example of this whole fact-versus-feeling thing, yeah?
Later that day, after braving the bridge and riding River Road, I took a walk around my neighborhood holding a larger-than-necessary 16-ounce cup of sangria. A text came in from a friend:
“I find that my will to work is very unreliable lately. Like I have shit to get done, and some days, I can put in 11-ish hours, and some days my brains just like, nah. And increasingly, on those nah days, I just can’t will myself to work. I’m not productive.”
I told him that I can totally relate to this feeling. Heck, I don’t know a single person that worked from home over the past few months who can’t. But here’s the thing: Having this feeling does NOT mean you’re not a productive person. You just don’t feel that way at the moment. Because — fun fact! — you’re completely capable of getting things done. Sometimes, I told him, when this frustration seeps into my work day, I’ve found that it’s best to acknowledge it, get up, take a break, and stop being so damn hard on yourself.
It’s not “I’m not productive.”
It’s “I don’t feel productive.”
Maybe this week’s newsletter is a bit rambly. What I’m trying to get across here is that there’s a big difference between feeling and fact. We owe it to ourselves to take a step back every once in a while and take a hard look at what’s really going on. Maybe you’re “stuck in a bad relationship.” Or, perhaps you “can’t sleep.” I encourage you to have some grace and ask yourself what’s really happening.
Recognizing that you have control? That’s step one. Once you understand that you have the power to impact your feelings with action, it’s pretty damn great.
When you do? I’ll be here cheering you on.
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PROMPT: What’s one example of fact-versus-feeling in your life? What can you do today to take control?
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HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
READ: “A Movement, Not a Moment” from GQ
Wow. The photos in this GQ item from Harlem-based photographer Flo Ngala are incredible. Documenting the energy of the New York Black Lives Matter protests, she marched for five days with her camera in tow. It’s accompanied with a handful of interviews from individuals who have also been at the gatherings. Jon Batiste, the musical director and band leader for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, talks about leading a drum circle and playing “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” as rain started to pour down. I was personally there for that, and it was really, really powerful.
LISTEN: Monovision by Ray Lamontagne
I used to listen to Ray Lamontagne studying for finals at the Homer Babbidge Library on the University of Connecticut campus. This is his new album, which I’ve been listening to as background music for the past couple of days, and I really dig it. Start with “Roll Me Mama, Roll Me” and “I Was Born to Love You” — you won’t be disappointed.
BUY: Roka Phantom ($250), District Vision Indigo Mirror ($249), Oakley Frogskins ($164)
This week, I’m highlighting some of my favorite running sunglasses. (I’ll have a newsletter in the coming weeks that compiles all of my summer picks.) All three of these are no-budge, even during my fastest sprints, which means they’re winners in my book. Almost every single time I wear the Roka Phantom (they’re an aviator style), I get asked if I’m running in Ray-Bans. They’re my ideal pick when I only want to take one pair on a trip, to wear both around town and for activity. The others are definitely a little more sporty, but super functional (and cool-looking).
LISTEN: Brené Brown with Judd Apatow on Vulnerability and Laughter
Without a doubt, Judd Apatow is responsible for some of the best comedy films and hit TV shows of the past two decades (Knocked Up, Trainwreck, Anchorman, The Big Sick, etc.). In this episode of Unlocking Us, he talks to Brené Brown about what’s funny and why, and they also chat about the thin line between humor and grief which I thought was super interesting.
SIGN UP: Daily Writing Dose from Erin Bailey
Looking for regular writing prompts that help you dig deep? Erin’s got you covered. If you’ve been wanting to journal regularly but don’t know where to start, these thought-starters can be a total game-changer.
ARTICLES OF THE WEEK
As many of you know, another part of my 9-to-5 is writing and editing health and fitness content for big brands, ranging from GQ to Men’s Health. Here are a few of my recent articles that I think will be right up your alley:
The Best Masks for Running and Working Out (GQ)
This Is What the Future of Road Racing Might Look Like (Map My Run)
I Tried A Virtual Personal Training Session In Case I Never Go Back to the Gym (Men’s Health)
In Defense of Walking More (and Running Less) (Runner’s World)
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Another (weekly) Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next week.
Disclosure: Some of the items above are hyperlinked to an affiliate program. I am a (new!) participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.