Making a Few Apologies.

Laterpologies, to be exact.

Welcome back to the Weekly Hurdle! If you’re new to the newsletter this week, happy to have you. You’re now officially a Hurdler. Every Friday, I’ll share a blog post, follow it up with a thought-provoking prompt to take us into the weekend, and finish things off with some content highlights. Please, tag/DM me on social @hurdlepodcast and @emilyabbate with your thoughts.

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This week, I apologized to a friend. The apology was probably about five months overdue. She had a baby back in February. I felt as though I let her down.

I didn’t send a card or gift.
I didn’t call to check in.
I sent one congratulatory text, and then I continued on in the chaos of my own life.
My own bubble.

After having the opportunity to spend some time with another dear friend and her newborn baby more recently, I realized what I had done. I wanted to do better. 

So, I did.

It started with me reaching out, then purchasing a belated card and gift. I stopped by for a social-distanced hang. She said “you didn’t have to do this!” when opening the card and reading what I wrote. Inside, I said “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you sooner. I want you to know that I’m here for you now, I’m proud of you, I feel very lucky to have you in my life, and I want to do better going forward. ”

… Let it be clear that although I physically showed up and brought something with me, that’s not what’s important here. The laterpology (as I’ll call it) is. The words are.

Laterpologies are something I’ve come to really appreciate as I get older. I received one myself a couple years ago that I never expected, and that’s when the term became a part of my vocabulary. The friend who laterpologized to me, we had been inseparable in my early New York years. We worked out and went out together. Explored the city together. Texted constantly. Then, she dated a man I had recently spent time with and really cared for. When him and I ended things weeks prior, I confided in her and told her everything, tears in tow. Then, she confessed that the two of them had since gotten together.

… We went through a friend divorce. I couldn’t trust her anymore. I was devastated. Sure, romantic relationships are hard to end. But friendships? Consciously? That stuff is really tough.

Really, really tough.

As with most things, time helped to heal that wound. I was shocked to see her name pop up on my phone last April, years later. I was double shocked to see an apology, one I never expected and felt really grateful for. We wished each other well, and went back to our usual — living separate, full lives. This apology wasn’t a tactic to reunite or rekindle. It didn’t need to be. It was simply an “I’m sorry. What I did was wrong.”

At the time, the interaction made me feel really validated. I never thought she was a bad person. I just thought that she did a bad thing. She agreed, and apologized for hurting my feelings. That’s the thing about apologizing, right? Admitting that you did something wrong doesn't make you an inferior human. It means you’re just that — a human. It means that you want to express regret for something you may not be proud of. It means you’re willing to put your ego to the side.

Have a conversation.
Get real. 

Her actions made me evaluate my own. I wondered: Who should I apologize to in my life? Admittedly, I made a list. (Are you surprised?) I’ve since offered a few really heartfelt laterpologies. Sometimes, they go well. Sometimes, it’s clear that the person on the other side is unfazed. Or perhaps, maybe the laterpology just isn’t enough. Still, in my eyes, it’s never too late to do the right thing. It’s never too late for a genuine conversation, regardless of who’s involved. 

This subject feels pretty relevant, considering everything that’s going on in our world. The pandemic. The fight for racial justice. What I don’t want to preach here is that everyone should just start apologizing profusely. Not at all. Just as I’ve come to appreciate the art of the laterpology, I also feel strongly about not saying “I’m sorry” just to say it. 

I encourage you:
Own your power like you own your flaws. 
Own your mistakes like you own your victories.
Remember: It’s never too late to say “I’m sorry.”
Just make sure it comes from the heart.
Make sure it’s real.

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PROMPT: Who would you offer a laterpology to, and why?

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HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK

LISTEN: The Michelle Obama Podcast
Listening to Michelle Obama feels like I’m hanging out with my best friend, which signifies to me that this new Spotify-exclusive podcast is well-done. I hope that some people feel that way about me when it comes to Hurdle. For episode one, she sat down with hubby Barack to talk mostly about the importance of community and values. Really amped to see where this goes from here.

LISTEN: Making Oprah from WBEZ
Over 30 years ago, Oprah Winfrey first said “helloooo” to a national audience. I found myself recently wondering more about Oprah’s beginnings, on the heels of O Magazine’s announcement that they’ll be ending their regular print edition at the end of this year. So, I found this podcast detailing her story and listened to all three installments on my drive up to Rhode Island last Saturday. I was immediately fascinated by the idea of “the Oprah effect,” when items would fly off the shelves the moment she spoke of them. It’s so impressive and admirable, what she’s accomplished despite the odds stacked against her.

COOK: Cheeseburger Chopped Salad with Dill Pickle Vinaigrette from How Sweet Eats
I’ve had a blast cooking in a full-size kitchen this week. Jessica Merchant is one of the first bloggers I ever followed, and once you click over to this recipe, you’ll see why. Not only do I love her writing style, but every single recipe I’ve ever made from both her site and cookbooks are home runs. As a self-proclaimed pickle fanatic, the pickle vinaigrette on this salad is ADDICTIVE.

BUY: My Cycling Kit
Lululemon City to Summit Cycling Jersey ($69 on sale), Lululemon City to Summit Bib Short ($129), Bombas Cycling Socks ($48), S Works Prevail II Helmet ($250), S-Works 7 Road Shoes ($400)
Putting this here as a Hurdler request. I’ll say this right off the bat: Cycling is expensive. Here’s the thing: You use this stuff a lot. A lot, a lot. Considering I was willing to spend $250 on a pair of Nike NEXT% that I’d ultimately wear a handful of times, a pair of road shoes that last years felt like a worthy investment to me. Also, a few of my favorites not linked above are currently sold out online, including the Lululemon City to Summit Cycling Short and the Machines for Freedom Cycling Short. TLDR; I’m into non-bib short options.

WINNER: WHOOP!
Congrats, Jen Butler! Also, WOW. Thank you — everyone — so, so much for your honesty. The stories in the comments section from last week’s newsletter are really damn special. What a strong community we have, here. 

With that said, I’d ~adore~ seeing more engagement on the newsletters going forward. I think this is a really special place we can show up and support each other! So, if you’re open to it and still reading this right here, maybe think about leaving your answer to today’s prompt below.

HOW CAN I SUPPORT HURDLE?

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SUBSCRIBE, RATE, AND REVIEW HURDLE: We’re at almost 800 reviews in the iTunes store. BIG GOAL: Get to 1,000 by August 31. Go on, get after it.

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REGISTER: Hurdle Sessions
This month I launched Hurdle Sessions: New online seminar programming, aiming to provide Hurdlers with education surrounding topics I’m well-versed in as a veteran journalist, entrepreneur, and run coach. This week, we covered “Intro to Freelance Writing,” which is now available for purchase on the Hurdle website and raised $750 (!) for The Loveland Foundation. Coming up next week on August 4 is “How to Start (and Stay!) Running.” Each Hurdle Session includes downloadable materials and a charitable donation.

Another (weekly) Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next week.