Making New Friends As An Adult Is Hard
Want to? I'm here to help.
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Presented by LMNT:
To say that my friendships have been in flux over the last few years would be a total understatement. As people come and go in and out of my space, whether they’re moving to new parts of the country or perhaps simply transitioning into different life phases — I’ve come to learn a big lesson: Proximity can be a game-changer for friendships, but the right people will stay in your life whether or not you can be physically together. This week on the show, I chatted with Kristina Rodulfo — the Beauty Director at Women’s Health and a gal pal of mine — about tips for making friends as an adult, and I wanted to bring some takeaways to the newsletter.
1. A common interest is a great jumping off point for friendship: Want to make a new friend? Seek out other individuals who have shared interests, whether that be a podcast, activity, career goal — you name it. If you’re not sure how to find these humans, start getting active in your local community (in a way that you feel safe a la COVID-19). I was exposed to a ton of new people when I got more involved in the New York running community. Since we all enjoy the same thing — lacing up — it’s a great ice breaker.
2. Be specific with your hang ask. So you’ve found someone that could ~possibly~ be your new friend. Awesome! When it comes to getting together, and don’t overcomplicate things. Rather than proposing a marathon of different activities to do (a workout class followed by coffee followed by brunch) — pick one. This gives you time to get to know each other a bit better without overcommitting.
3. Remember to be honest with yourself, is this friendship serving you? Making new friends is a lot like dating. You may go on a friend date and realize that you aren’t as into it as you thought you’d be. That’s OK! As Kristina says in the episode, “lukewarm” relationships that are just filler so that you’re not spending time alone may not be the best thing for you. Plus: Spending time alone can actually help you get to know yourself better AND be a better friend to others — when you’re ready.
Another note: Something that Lori Harder and I spoke about last week (episode coming soon!) is the importance of surrounding yourself with people that inspire you to be better. When she reflects on her time in the fitness industry versus her time doing more personal development work, she says that her social circle completely changed in that transition. Every once in a while, do an honest audit of your space, and ask yourself if you feel excited about your people.
4. Embrace friendship “seasons”: Some friendships are for life. Others won’t be. It takes a lot of grace to accept that every person in your life will play a different role, and sometimes it’s not the role you’d hoped for. If a friendship isn’t feeling right anymore, you certainly owe it to one another to be honest about the sitch. Perhaps, taking space to grow apart could be good for you. Then, revisit the relationship at another time — if it feels right. Forcing it won’t be good for either party.
PROMPT: Who is the most recent friend that you made and what do you appreciate about them?
Note: I don’t have this all figured out. In fact, just because I’ve been able to establish some solid ground rules for making friends and put them into practice doesn’t mean I’m never lonely or always have someone to do all the things with. Know that however you feel in your quest to make and maintain relationships as you get older, you’re certainly not alone. Have patience and compassion, and be proud of you for putting yourself out there.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
This week is all about podcasts because, TBH, there’s an influx of obscenely good content.
LISTEN: Alexi Pappas on Armchair Expert
Previously featured on Hurdle, Alexi Pappas is a Greek-American Olympic runner, filmmaker, actor, and author of the awe-inspiring memoir Bravey. She joined Dax Shepard on Armchair Expert last week, and I really dig the dynamic between the two of them.
LISTEN: We Can Do Hard Things from Glennon Doyle
Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed, is joining the podcasting world this week with her new show We Can Do Hard Things. I’m excited to see her come into her own in this content medium. In the first episode that dropped this past Tuesday, she's talking anxiety and three strategies that help her find calm with the help of her sister, Amanda.
LISTEN: Chandler Smith on Trained
Whether or not you’re into CrossFit, Chandler Smith has got some great perspective for realizing our big potential in sport and life. The U.S. Army soldier (as of this year!) sits down with Hurdler Ryan Flaherty to talk about everything from his favorite junk foods to his secret to keeping cool under pressure.
LISTEN: The Israeli-Palestinian Crisis, Reignited on The Daily
Like many others, I’ve been seeking out resources over the past week to get more information on the lengthy history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as violence picks up in the region. I found this episode helpful to broaden my understanding, along with Trevor Noah’s latest video on YouTube.
LISTEN: Prince Harry on Armchair Expert
Normally I wouldn’t tote two episodes from the same pod, but I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the episode title load in my queue Thursday morning. This one’s juicy. Prince Harry chats with Dax all about mental health issues and growing up with privilege. He also discusses how much like the Truman Show his life is, unconscious bias, and how people can change their mindset once they acknowledge it.
Thanks to LMNT — an electrolyte drink mix with everything you need and nothing you don't — for supporting Hurdle.
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Head to DrinkLMNT.com/Hurdle to get a FREE LMNT sample pack, including two citrus, two raspberry, two orange, and two raw unflavored. You only pay $5 for shipping! To claim this deal you must go to DrinkLMNT.com/Hurdle — no code necessary.
🎧 NEW PODCAST EPISODE: Hillary Allen, Ultra Runner
It was a no-brainer for me to kick off season six with Hillary Allen because she has an incredible story to tell. In this episode, she talks about a near-fatal #hurdlemoment in 2017 during a sky race in Norway — which is essentially a run that involves massive vertical gain and direct ascents over steep, technical terrain. She slipped and fell from a ridge, enduring a 50-foot free fall followed by a nasty tumble, more than 100 feet further down jagged rocks. She talks us through the details of that accident, bracing for impact and landing in a hospital with 14 broken bones, gets honest about the road to recovery — which was more than just physical, admitting that there were times in the months that followed where she didn’t want to live. Grateful that Hillary, new author of Out And Back, is here with us to tell us this story today.
Thanks to this week’s Hurdle sponsors LMNT, Athletic Greens, and BaronFig! For a complete list of the show’s sponsors and some really great deals, check out the sponsors page, here.
HURDLE SESSIONS: Excited for next week’s “So, You Want to Run a Marathon?” Session. Note: If you can’t make it live, no problem! All ticketed attendees will receive an on-demand recording of the Session the next morning.
So, You Want to Run a Marathon?, May 17 @ 7:30 p.m. ET
It's official, you've committed to the 13.1- or 26.2-mile race that will change your life. As the reality sinks in, so do the questions and we've got the answers! We'll sit down with Amber Rees and Lindsey Clayton of Brave Body Project and talk through the entire training process — from finding the right training plan and paces, to the long run and training nutrition, to race day tips and everything in between.
Can’t make it? Check out one of these past Sessions:
How to Start (and Stay!) Running
How to Take Your Running to the Next Level
Intro to Freelance Writing
Intro to Podcasting
How to Turn Your Side Hustle Into Your Main Gig
Finding Your Power Alone
How to Build a Social Media Presence
Media Strategy for Fitness Professionals
AND * 30-Minute One-On-One Consulting Call *
LEAVE ME A VOICE MESSAGE! Whether you just want to say hi or have a question you want to ask, I’d love to hear from you! Bonus: Your listener question could be answered in an upcoming episode of the show! No topics are off limits.