The $45 Purchase That Changed My Life Forever
The $45 Purchase That Changed My Life Forever
Some really special things can happen when you're willing to invest in yourself.
Welcome back to the Weekly Hurdle! Each week, I’ll share a blog post, follow it up with a thought-provoking prompt to take you into the weekend, and finish things off with some content picks. Please, tag/DM me on social @emilyabbate with your thoughts!
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I’ve always been a visual sort of person. Perhaps that’s why I love writing and reading so much. Back in college, I was one of those students who just had to rewrite everything from her college textbooks onto small lined index cards prior to any exam in order to truly learn the material. These days, I have a vision board at my desk and a zillion Post-its around the apartment, scribbled with everything from positive affirmations and daily reminders to Italian phrases. (My never-ending quest to learn a third language — that is, if high school Spanish counts — continues.)
Which is why, in true Emily fashion, I purchased a pair of jeans that were two sizes too small in June 2008. At the time, I was down about 35 pounds from where I started my weight loss journey in April 2007. This particular denim purchase happened on a sunny Wednesday afternoon at the Gap Outlet in Clinton, Conn. At the time, I was determined to continue losing weight in the weeks and months to come as I settled into my role as programming director at Camp Laurelwood, an overnight camp about 15 minutes down the road.
This would be my 15th summer of Soffe shorts, zero air conditioning, and letter writing. My stint at Camp Laurelwood is one of my longest love affairs to date, starting back when my parents shipped off their 6-year-old daughter for an entire month away from home in 1995. I don’t remember all that much from growing up, TBH, but I can sing you the song I learned that first year including my bunkmate Alana’s home information — complete with phone number with area code and address — should we have ever gotten lost.
From the summer of ‘95, I was hooked. As the years went on, I’d stay longer than 4 weeks. Entire summer seasons, even. Eventually, I’d become a counselor. This particular year, I was “head staff.”
I digress. I knew at that time that the summer of 2008 would include obstacles. Not just professional ones — coming up with fun activities to occupy campers from ages 6 to 15. But also, personal ones. I’m-gonna-keep-losing-weight, ones. Aside from the irresistible gooeyness of regular campfire s’mores, abundant ice cream nights, and limited mess hall options, I wouldn’t have regular access to a gym where I could mindlessly spend 45 minutes watching reality TV on an elliptical. And so, this brings us back to the investment I made in myself.
A $45 investment, to be exact.
Once I pulled up to 463 Summer Hill Road, unpacked my box fan, arranged my toiletries on the top of shelf of my lopsided cubby, and applied my summer scent — Kirkland-branded bug spray — I went to the closet and got a hanger complete with two small clips. Pulling the jeans out of the dark blue bag, I hung them up on the backside of my bathroom door.
I stopped.
I stared.
Light blue wash. Wide leg. Something I never would’ve dared put on my “already big” thighs years before. Hanging there for the next 7 weeks, those jeans would serve as a visual reminder of my big, lofty goals. A reminder of how far I’d come and where I was headed. In that moment, I breathed in that feeling of excitement and possibility. I was continually working on letting go of the Emily of yesteryear. The Emily who felt ashamed of her body. Uncomfortable in some social scenarios. Scared of the camera. Afraid of intimacy.
This Emily, though. She was ready for change.
And boy, did a lot change that summer.
I started to really come into my own as a woman. With the weight loss came a necessary shift in my inner dialogue. While I recognize that some individuals find happiness at a bigger size, I wasn’t one of them. As more pounds came off, I had noticeably more energy and a better attitude. I felt more free. I became more outgoing.
… I also became a runner.
Some days, still, it’s weird to say that sentence out loud: “I’m a runner.” During the summer of 2008, I ran every single day. You can read more about that here, and listen to me talk about it here. At the time, I ran a 14-minute half-mile.
I was damn proud.
The pace didn’t matter. At the time, I made a commitment to myself just to give it a try. I made a commitment to myself to move my body every single day. And every single day I’d walk in and see those light wash jeans hanging up on the door next to a full body mirror. I’d remember that commitment, change into a Hanes v-neck T-shirt and a pair of black cotton leggings from Target, and hit the road.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Now, some things remained the same, of course. My friendships, some of which I’d had since age 6. At Laurelwood, those friends became my family. At camp, your family does everything together. You giggle over first kisses. (Mine was behind canteen, naturally, with a boy named Zach. About six people stood around us in a circle and counted to five so that it really “happened.”) At camp, you get nervous about first dances. You brave swim lessons in a Speedo swimsuit and take kayaks out on the boating lake; bond over tie dye and argue over the best bug juice flavors.
That summer, for me, would ultimately become one of the most special of my life. I not only got to be in one of my favorite places with my favorite people, but I also came to understand the importance of prioritizing my health and wellbeing while still showing up, doing my job, and doing it well.
Which brings me to the full-circle moment. I can visualize it now, the final night of that summer. I took a lukewarm shower after free swim and walked into the center of my cabin. I turned around, and looked at them. There they were, in the same place I put them 60-or-so days before. I grabbed the soft denim down from the hanger with confidence. One slightly sunburnt leg at a time, slipped into my never-before-worn jeans, and buttoned them … with ease.
I felt proud of myself. Not because of anything that the scale said, but because that summer — I worked hard. That summer, I ultimately invested in way more than just a $45 pair of jeans.
… I invested in myself.
Note: This newsletter topic (and a lot of feelings) was brought about by the news that Camp Laurelwood, like all other residential camps in Connecticut, won’t be allowed to open this year as a result of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. There will be serious financial implications for Camp to not open this summer for the first time in Laurelwood’s 83-year history. Please, consider donating today.
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PROMPT: How have you invested in yourself recently?
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THIS WEEK’S PICKS
DOWNLOAD: The Adidas Running App
Adidas is doing a pretty cool thing called their #HOMETEAMHERO challenge. For every hour of tracked activity on either the Adidas Running or Adidas Training app between May 29 to June 7, Adidas will donate $1 to the COVID-19 Solidarity Response Fund for the World Health Organization (WHO), with the goal of reaching one million hours. You can sign up in advance by clicking here.
WATCH: "The Last Dance”
Everyone’s talking about this, I know. ESPN's 10-part documentary series "The Last Dance," which chronicled Michael Jordan and the 1997 to 1998 Chicago Bulls, is really, really excellent.
LISTEN: “Daddy Speaks” from Call Her Daddy
I’m so enamored by the whole controversy surrounding the Call Her Daddy podcast, a show where two women in their mid 20s discuss their lives and sexual experiences (they call it “uncensored, real, female locker room talk”). The drama right now is that they’re in a huge feud with both each other and their broadcaster, Barstool Sports. TLDR; it is JUICY. Read all about it in The New York Times, and listen to Barstool’s founder and president Dave Portnoy talk about it on the Call Her Daddy feed.
SPLURGE: Apple TV 4K
I’ve had the same Apple TV since 2010, and I finally decided with all of this streaming going on that it was time for an update. Well, the Apple TV 4K arrived here earlier this week, and the picture quality is un-real. It also has an app store, you can easily stream workout content, and I feel like my living room just got Beyoncé-worthy upgraded.
SECURE: An Eddie Bauer Multiclava, on sale for $10
I’ve been getting so many messages in the DMs asking me about wearing a mask and running. Well, Eddie Bauer sent over some of their buffs (otherwise called multiclavas) and they’re absolutely perfect. They’ve got really cute styles, and I ran in one this morning — no budge and super breathable.
READ: “The One Thing” by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan
I continually page back to this read I picked up in the Atlanta airport. If you find yourself feeling regularly overwhelmed trying to do everything all at once, it’s a great pick for you, too. A pull quote:
“Purpose without priority is powerless.”
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OFFERS!
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Four Sigmatic | Head to foursigmatic.com/hurdle and use the code “HURDLE” at checkout for 15 percent off your purchase today.