The Best Date I Never Went On
Juicy, isn't it?
Welcome back to the Weekly Hurdle! Every Friday, I’ll share a blog post, follow it up with a thought-provoking prompt to take you into the weekend, and finish things off with some content picks. Please, tag or DM me on social @hurdlepodcast and @emilyabbate with your thoughts! This newsletter is free and will stay free thanks to the people that opt-in to give. Please, consider signing up as a paid subscriber.
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Last Sunday I put on jeans and curled my hair. As the morning light streamed in from the window and the clock ticked past 9:45, I grabbed my new straw hat and made my way down the four flights of stairs. An avenue and a few blocks later, I met up with a friend. The two of us headed downtown for brunch, something I haven’t done in a long, long time. We linked up with a friend of hers. It felt good just to say the word “brunch,” nevertheless do it. The three of us caught up over avocado toast and cold brew coffees.
Long story short: Afterward, we ran into friends of my friends — one of whom ultimately asked for my number. After some witty banter, he propositioned me for a date. We set it. Then, he rescheduled once. After the switch-up, we had the typical “what do you do for work?” text exchange. Upon revealing how I make a living, I got the ever-popular: “Wow, you’re all over the Internet, eh?” response. Then, he quipped that he’d have to start listening to the show to pregame our drinks.
… the morning of our date, he canceled.
I got the notification on my watch mid-run. I glanced down and read it. He said that he had to duck out of our plans (again). He was heading upstate for the weekend, and his ride wanted to get on the road a day earlier than he expected. He understood if I didn’t want to reschedule after a second shift on his account. “If the shoe was on the other foot, I probably wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”
I probably wouldn’t have thought that much about the logistical mix-up — hey, it happens — had he not added that last tidbit. I couldn’t help but wonder: Was he really heading out of town early?
Or maybe, he simply didn’t like what he found online.
Regardless, the message didn’t make me feel awesome. At that moment, I fought the humidity and picked up the pace as I felt the sweat beading on my shins to run my fastest mile of the morning. The run enabled me to gain back some control over my emotions. The run reminded me, as it often does, that I’m capable of pushing through hard things.
Maybe I’ll end up seeing him. Maybe I won’t. I still haven’t answered that message (yet). To be honest, today’s blog isn’t really about this guy. It’s about what happened as a result of that interaction: A small amount of time where I doubted my awesomeness.
! Expletive warning !
Fuck that.
I’m a confident woman. I’m proud of so many of the things I’ve done. Like so many of you reading this, I’ve worked really hard, on a lot of things. My inner dialogue. My fitness. Building a brand from the ground up — solo. I make big asks. I’ve learned how to be my own hype (wo) man, and that I won’t be able to please everyone at all times. I get vulnerable. And I do all of these things in a semi-public way because I hope that my work inspires others to try hard, too. To encourage them to live healthier, more inspired life — whatever that looks like for them.
I used to feel like I had to apologize for being “a lot.” I used to think that the “right” partner for me would be someone that balanced me out. Perhaps, I needed to be with someone who was more of the “strong and silent” type. This Goldilocks relationship would help me reel things in.
If this sounds familiar to you, let me be the first person to tell you this today: You don’t need anyone to reel you in. In fact, you’re great as you are. And while we’re at this, if you happen to find yourself wondering from time to time if there’s something “wrong with you” because you’re not in a relationship — there isn’t. If there are people that make you feel like you’re “too much,” whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or otherwise — well, those likely aren’t your people.
I’m definitely still doing the work. I always will be. But us “a lot”-ers — we have to own it. How great is it that I’m this way? The way I see it: We have the opportunity to be a lot. To make a difference. To leave a mark.
The date that never happened? It was a helpful, timely reminder for me not to let one person’s (maybe) opinion ever deter me from my mission. To embrace who it is that I am fully.
Hopefully one for you, too.
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PROMPT: What’s one personality trait you love about yourself? What is one trait about yourself you would like to change?
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HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
LISTEN: Almost 30: Baring It All with The Birds Papaya
I had Lindsey Simcik on the show last year. I really love this episode featuring Sarah Nicole Landry, otherwise known to her social media followers as @thebirdspapaya. My favorite part is when she was talking about coming into her own later in life, saying that it’s never too late to do a self audit. Asking herself: “What do I want and who do I want to be?” It’s empowering, to pivot on your own terms. Trust me, listen.
READ: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.
New fun thing: The Hurdle Book Club! I’m just starting this book, but it’s been recommended to me by a slew of past Hurdle guests including Nina Williams (and — spoiler alert — Aisha Praught-Leer, coming soon!). In it, Dweck discusses the power of mindset and how success in so many areas of life is triggered by how we think about our talents and abilities. Want to get in on our recap chat come September? Fill out this Google Form.
CHECK OUT: The Honey House
My good friends Nick (you read about him in this newsletter) and Erin are currently parked out in Los Angeles in a creator house — called Honey House — with three other couples. The content they’re making is addictive. Follow along with their journey on TikTok and Instagram.
BUY: Bodysuits — Abercrombie Seamless V-Neck ($39), Athleta Sultra One-Shoulder Bodysuit ($69), Nike Bodysuit Tank ($40), Free People Happiness Runs Bodysuit ($50)
Man oh MAN do I get a lot of DMs about these. Here is the rundown of some of the bodysuits in my regular rotation right now. Don’t roll your eyes at the Abercrombie mention up there. It’s the best one I own (and I may or may not have it in three colors).
TAKE: Bells Up Level 1: 5-Week Breathing, Bodyweight, and Bells Course for Beginners
I love supporting my people. Kettlebell expert (and my dear friend) Lacee Lazoff and her business partner Melissa Paris are launching a 5-week beginner kettlebell course on September 12. I’m a little biased, but Lacee’s without-a-doubt one of the most knowledgeable trainers I know. This covers everything from bodyweight foundations to breathing technique, and will definitely change the way you weight train for the better. If you’re the kind of person whose always been a little intimidated to pick up kettlebells on your own, you won’t regret this one.
HOW CAN I SUPPORT HURDLE?
I’m so glad you asked! Start by telling your friends, sharing this edition of the Weekly Hurdle, and/or leaving a comment below!
SUBSCRIBE, RATE, AND REVIEW HURDLE: We’re now over 800 reviews in the iTunes store! BIG GOAL: Get to 1,000 by August 31. Go on, get after it.
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HURDLE SESSIONS: Upcoming *new* sessions are live! Click below for more information:
Finding Your Power Alone
Handling #HURDLEMOMENTS
Another (weekly) Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next week.
Disclosure: Some of the items above are hyperlinked to an affiliate program. I am a (new!) participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.