The Golden Rules of Friendship
Twenty-three years of hurdles later, this one's taught me a lot.
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I have a few best friends. Like, I’d drop everything for you to be there ASAP, friends. One of them I’ve known since I was 11. His name’s Tom (above). He’s getting married today. We met in Mrs. Hunt’s fourth grade class at Daniel’s Farm Elementary. By the time you — the Hurdlers — read this, I’ll be on my way to the airport. I’ll have my one-shoulder, maroon dress in my carry-on, and I’ll be feeling all sorts of sappy, ready to celebrate one of the great loves of my life as he marries his.
I’ve been reflecting a lot while writing the speech I plan to give in the hotel room while the guys are getting ready. I’m so grateful for this relationship because it’s taught me so many valuable lessons about what friendship can be. How great it can feel. What true companionship really looks like. What it means to show up in good times and bad — for 23 years straight.
Friendship, especially adult friendships, can involve many hurdles. Thus, for this installment of the Weekly Hurdle, I’m sharing my personal rules for a rock solid friendship:
Be present: I’ll be the first to admit that there have been times when I struggled with this. Aside from when I navigated depression last year, I’d say I was MIA during my first year as a freelance journalist. I was constantly working, jumping at opportunities, and rarely without my phone in my right hand. That prompted some awakening conversations in recent years on how my actions during that time made my friends feel. It’s so, so important, what you can learn and observe when you really listen — which brings me to my next highlight …
Listen actively: Listen to your friends with an open mind and heart. And know that sometimes, that’s all they need. You don’t always need to have the answers. In friendship, sometimes your presence is enough. Before you attempt to rescue someone, ask if they want rescuing.
Communicate openly and honestly: If you can’t be honest with your people, then what’s the point? To say that both T and I have gone through our fair share of hurdles over the past 23 years of friendship would be an understatement. He’s one of the first people who will call me on my BS when I say “good” as an answer to “how are you?”
Remember: If someone can’t be there for you, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be: Distance in relationships is hard. Living a few hours apart, there have been big moments that we’ve celebrated together and others that we weren’t able to. Regardless, there are small gestures that you can always do to show your people that you care. A snail mail card. An unexpected donut delivery. It’s important to let your people know that they’re top-of-mind and that you appreciate them.
Know when to let go: Sometimes friendships come into your life for a season. Don’t spend big energy forcing a relationship if it’s just not clicking. It takes a big person to allow someone to play a role in their life that you didn’t hope for. Have grace, and know that whatever is meant to be — will.
Celebrate their successes: Be genuinely happy for your friends' successes and accomplishments, and celebrate with them. Offer your support and encouragement, and be there to help them through any challenges they may face. You never forget who shows up for you.
Accept them for who they are: Accept your friends for who they are, and don't try to change them. I may not always agree with each and every decision, but I will love you always as you work on yourself and go on your journey. As my friend, that is my opportunity. And what a beautiful opportunity it is.
Keep hurdling,
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
I’m Listening To: Brene Brown Returns on Armchair Expert
I revisited this episode this week, and really resonated with Brene’s advice on how to choose the opportunities that are aligned with your values (around 1:12:00 in). Especially when she recommends asking yourself: “What do I want to be held accountable for?”
I’m Reading: All About Love by Bell Hooks
Maybe this would’ve been an appropriate February book pick, but I guess I can argue that Lighter from Yung Pueblo taught me a lot about self-love, too. Excited to dive in per the recommendation of a friend.
Gear I Love: Hoka Clifton 9
Was honored to try this sneaker out for Hoka’s new web series, At a Conversation’s Pace (you can watch my episode here). Really love the feeling of the new, less frills upper, and the heel feels really cozy and cushioned — but stable. Ideal for me as I’m still on my slow journey post-injury, back to regular miles.
Quote I’m Loving: “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
Thanks to LMNT — an electrolyte drink mix with everything you need and nothing you don't — for supporting Hurdle.
Gotta give some love to LMNT, zero-sugar hydration to support your active lifestyle. I’m the saltiest sweater (cute, I know). These electrolytes are my go-to to perform better. I like them not just because they taste great (the orange salt is my favorite), but they’re also without artificial ingredients, sugar, and coloring. With LMNT, you can:
☀️ Kickstart your mornings
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Head to DrinkLMNT.com/Hurdle to get a FREE LMNT sample pack with purchase. To claim this deal you must go to DrinkLMNT.com/Hurdle — no code necessary.
🎧 NEW PODCAST EPISODE: 242. Lindsay Arnold, Dancing With The Stars Pro & Founder of The Movement Club
During the COVID pandemic, DWTS pro Lindsay Arnold started to ask herself "what's next?" After more than 10 years dancing on national television, the new mom says in today's episode that she was looking forward to a new chapter — both as a mom and within fitness. After becoming a certified personal trainer, Lindsay started working on the programming for her new program The Movement Club while pregnant. "It gave me purpose and helped me stay accountable," she says.
In this episode, she talks to us about how she got here: From what it was like going to her first audition for So You Think You Can Dance? to the unexpected call that had her moving to Los Angeles in 24 hours. She confesses her "favorite celebrity partner" from the past, and if she expects to ever return back to the show after baby no. 2. Plus: What it's like navigating the spotlight, and her advice for anyone struggling to start a fitness routine.
🎧 NEW PODCAST EPISODE: #HURDLEMOMENT: How To Identify Patterns That Are Holding You Back
Danielle LaPorte is a bestselling Canadian author, an inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, and podcast host. She’s a member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100 and the former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC, where she managed a team creating global scenario plans. She now speaks about the intelligence of the heart. Today, she's on Hurdle talking about how to get unstuck and identify patterns that hold us back, and how to ease into more helpful habits with ease.
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Another (weekly) Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next week.