You Deserve to Be Appreciated
When was the last time someone told you that?
Welcome back to the Weekly Hurdle! Every Friday, I’ll share a blog post, follow it up with a thought-provoking prompt to take you into the weekend, and finish things off with some content picks. Please, tag or DM me on social @hurdlepodcast and @emilyabbate with your thoughts. This newsletter is free and will stay free thanks to sponsors and the individuals that opt-in to give. Consider signing up as a paid subscriber.
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I went to summer camp for 15 years of my life. From age 6 to 15, I was a camper. From 16 to 21, I worked as staff. I wrote a little bit about that experience here. As staff, it was required to show up to Summerhill Road about a week early to navigate orientation, get the property ready, and all that jazz.
On day one, we’d typically go through a welcome packet that offered up best-practices for everything from navigating tough situations with campers to emergency precautions. In said packet, there was a list of suggested phrases for counselors and superiors (division leaders, directors) to use with one another for more effective, clearer communication.
I’ll never forget sitting on a slightly lopsided, wooden bench inside of the mess hall at about 1:30 in the afternoon back in summer of 2008 when someone quipped about one of the recommendation phrases:
“I appreciate you.”
At the time, the phrase came off super stiff and a little odd. I was 19 at the time, and I’m not all that someone had ever really said that to me in such a proper, straight-out way. But in the months and years that followed, it stuck with me. With time, I started to use it more in my regular rotation.
With friends.
With colleagues.
With my family.
Period.
So, let’s bring it to the now. I’m in this interesting, transitional phase in my life right now, which I wrote a little bit about here. As I mentioned, many of my dear friends are saying goodbye to New York (good ‘ol pandemic). Because of this, I’ve been dedicating some of my free time to working on existing relationships with friends that are here to stay (if only, for now). Over the past few weeks, I’ve gone on four friend “dates.”
Dinners.
Runs.
Coffees.
That sort of stuff.
Some of these friends I’ve had for a while, but they’ve been casual relationships — without much one-on-one time. Others are new, like the woman that I knew of that also went to UConn, lives in New York, but we’d never hung out before. Over the course of these dates, each person opened up and got vulnerable. On each and every date, both parties admitted that they were struggling with some of the same things. Men. Friendships gone awry during 2020. Feeling lonely. Hopes and expectations for the year(s) to come. After leaving each and every friend date, I followed up to tell them that one important phrase:
“I appreciate you.”
I feel scared. Vulnerability is scary! I’m nervous to open up to new people, knowing that they could also leave or may not share the same feeling or attitude about getting closer. But, I recognize that vulnerability is necessary to establishing deep, true relationships. Embracing that vulnerability? It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
This past Monday morning, I was writing in my journal just shy of 6 a.m., as I do most days. I looked up from the lightly lined pages and noticed the sun just filtering down the avenue. I was unpacking the “date” I had the night before, drinks in NoLita. Then, I wrote it down:
“I appreciate you.”
This time, it wasn’t meant for anyone else. It was for me. For daring to be vulnerable, opening myself up to the new — flaws and all.
P.S. I appreciate all of you, too.
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PROMPT: Are you willing to show up and be seen when you can’t control the outcome? If not, what’s stopping you?
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HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
LISTEN: Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations: Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability
Goes with the topic here, eh? Wednesday morning was absolute perfection in New York, and I decided to take my coffee over to Carl Schurz Park. I did so while listening to this, and really, really enjoyed their conversation (also, laughed out loud sitting alone). In the episode, Brené shares the four myths of vulnerability, explains why vulnerability means being truthful to who we are, and she offers examples of how to integrate vulnerability into your everyday life.
READ: Jerry Seinfeld: So You Think New York Is Dead
This made the rounds earlier in the week, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve already checked it out. Every other day, there seems to be someone, somewhere writing a letter to or about my city. As someone who is still Team NYC, I appreciate this. “You think Rome is going away too? London? Tokyo? The East Village? They’re not. They change. They mutate. They re-form. Because greatness is rare. And the true greatness that is New York City is beyond rare.”
LISTEN: Chapter 2 by Juke Ross
Was turned onto this by a friend on Instagram last week, and I’ve had the album on repeat ever since. The acoustic tracks, specifically “Drifting Apart” and “Someone to Die For,” give me all the feels.
DONATE: Justice for Jacob Blake
This week has been heavy. You can read all about what’s going on in Kenosha, here. Jacob Blake’s mother set up this GoFundMe to help his family navigate medical expenses and pay for grief counseling — among other financial burdens.
BUY: Sweatshirt SZN
New York or Nowhere Classic ($75), Carbon 38 Terry Crew Neck ($128), Lululemon All Yours Cropped Hoodie ($108), Athleta Farallon Printed Sweatshirt ($89), Gap Tie-Dye Cropped Sweatshirt in French Terry ($30)
OK, maybe I’m jumping the gun just a little. But I’ve worn a sweatshirt at least three days this week, so I’m down to talk sleeves. All of the above are in my regular rotation. I think I wore the Carbon 38 pick at least two days weekly last winter. It’s the perfect staple cropped length with a good pair of high-waisted jeans or leggings. Also for the price, there’s no beating that Gap option.
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Handling #HURDLEMOMENTS — Wednesday, September 2
I get emails every single day from podcast listeners navigating their own #hurdlemoments — from injuries, and break-ups to job shifts and family troubles. As lonely as it may feel, you are NEVER alone in whatever challenge you may be going through. This interactive, small group workshop will cover how to show up to the unexpected with grace and emerge from #hurdlemoments with a deeper understanding of self. There are still *a few* spots left for this next week, so snag yours today!
HURDLE BOOK CLUB
This month, we’re reading Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. Want to get in on our recap chat come September? Fill out this Google Form.
Another (weekly) Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next week.
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